I decided after reading Julia Angwin’s fascinating tales of the elusiveness of online privacy that I should make some attempts to shroud my online identity. So I decided to create a fake identity for online purchases. Random-word apps were too complicated for me and didn’t seem nearly as fun as inventing my own doppelganger. I wanted to sound exotic and powerful, like a superhero. I envisioned pop-up ads for black leather accessories instead of belly fat melters. I went for exocit names beginning with S. I had no idea so many people were named Serena and Solange, plus I started to worry about forgetting my own name and blowing my cover and getting doubly exposed. So I switched to the more mundane, and called myself Bea Keeper. Which some grandma in North Dakota of course has already stolen from me. I realized Ke$ha has no patent on symbols and renamed myself BeK**per which just looked dumb and not at all glamorous. Then Honey Rider, the James Bond girl from Dr. No, popped into my head – specifically the scene where she emerges from the ocean with a knife in her bikini bottom. Taken, of course. But H0onei Ryedeer3 was available. No way…doesn’t evoke killer sex on the beach at all. Hunnney Re1der? I’ll never remember that. Why not distill her down to her essence SweetSpyBait. Aggg! Already taken! Ok get creative here, Suzanne. Think hard. Try Sw**t&StickyGoldenSpyBaitWithKnife$honeySerena1. YES! I am totally set. I beat everyone to this name. I can’t believe it. So awesome.
January 14, 2014
by Suzanne Langlois